MATCH 13: “THE GENOCIDE” RAVEN GUSH v. “THE YELLOW BEAST” PAPAYA TOKUMA
Introduction – Match 1 – Match 2 – Match 3 – Match 4 – Match 5
Match 6 – Match 7 – Match 8 – Match 9 – Match 10 – Match 11
Match 12
RAVEN GUSH
While “Raven Gush” is about as ridiculous as FPWR‘s names get, it sort of sounds like a moniker I might use if I was trying to doctor a passport using a photo of “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash. Raven’s about 7′ tall, he’s got the long hair and beard, and he’s using a powerbomb for a finishing maneuver.
http://youtu.be/is6l-MAj_vI
If it looks like a duck and cliques like a duck, it’s probably a founding member of the NWO.
As any fan of ’90s wrestling can tell you, Kevin Nash was one half of The Outsiders with his long time compatriot, Scott Hall. Raven Gush just happens to be a member of a team called “The Outlaws.” Methinks this is no coincidence.
In 1996, the Outsiders joined forces with “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan to form the original lineup of the New World Order, which is arguably the most influential wrestling faction of all time, both inside the ring and out. At the height of the NWO’s popularity, Nash was actually serving as the head booker of WCW – a period during which he (in)famously booked what became known as “The Fingerpoke of Doom.” This is why Raven Gush “was a backstage boss the previous org.”
Raven Gush is very clearly an ersatz Kevin Nash – so was our man “Big Sexy” BIG IN JAPAN? Kevin Nash was a world champion in both WCW and WWF, which were, at one point, the two largest wrestling organizations in the WORLD. The NWO, a faction which Nash helped form, even had a Japanese branch. He has even wrestled in Japan as recently as 2012.
http://youtu.be/1HH1f1WghBA
So yes, Big Daddy Cool is BIG IN JAPAN. He’s big everywhere. Unfortunately, if… uh… Japanese-ness actually counts for anything in FPWR, I don’t know if anybody is quite as, uh, “Japanese…” as…
PAPAYA TOKUMA
By all rights and measures, Papaya Tokuma, who is practically identical to Mango Fukuda (real name: Takayasu Fukuda), shouldn’t even be here. This is a tournament for ridiculous facsimiles of prominent wrestling stars who are somewhat recognizable in the West. I just couldn’t help myself, though, and I threw him in anyway, because… well, shit: look at him. Regardless, I put him in here, and he’s getting the bio that he rightfully deserves.
No time for jokes. Just trust me – Papaya Tokuma is Takayasu “Mango” Fukuda. Mango Fukuda started his career under the tutelage of Último Dragón, one of the most innovative wrestlers to ever lace a pair of boots. Último Dragón spent much of his career wrestling in Mexico, and that’s precisely where young Mango made his debut back in 2003. Hence, Papaya is a “young cannonball from Latin.” Latin is my favorite part of Mexico.
Mango earned his… uh… fame… as part of the villainous Los Salseros Japonaises with Pineapple Hanai and Takeshi Minamino. As their name implies, Los Salseros Japonaises were a trio of evil Japanese salsa dancers/wrestlers, who, amazingly, were quite successful in the ring. Somehow, this explains why FPWR has placed him on a team called the Lations. I am not sure if that is racist. Someone test it out and report back to me.
After achieving a modicum of success in Mexico, Mango and his compatriots moved to Michinoku Pro Wrestling, which is precisely where FPWR places him. “But, Steve,” you say. “He’s clearly in an organization named ‘Blizzard.'” Well howabout this, Einstein-san: The term “Michinoku” refers to a region in northeastern Japan, where MPW was based. Take a look at the annual snowfall in Morioka, the capital of the Iwate Prefecture, which happens to be the city where MPW maintained its headquarters. “Blizzard” is a suitable substitute for “Michinoku.”
So anyway, once Mango arrived in Japan, he and his buddy Pineapple got to work, winning the Futaritabi World Tag League in 2004. Not content to rest on their laurels, shortly thereafter, the Salseros captured the UWA World Trios Championship by defeating the team of Solar, Ultraman and Ultraman, Jr. Maybe this isn’t resonating with you, fair reader, but once you set eyes on Solar and Ultraman, this tremendous accomplishment might carry a little more weight.
WHAT? You still aren’t impressed? Well don’t blame me when Solar and Ultraman come knocking on your door. Because they’ll likely be bringing their buddy, Utraman, Jr., who is not pictured above. Hold on – You’ve never heard of Ultraman, Jr.? Sheesh. He’s only the guy presently wrestling under the name of Starman, you ignoramus. No, not Star Man. STARMAN. Got it? Good.
Now, of course, you understand, how powerful Los Salseros Japonaises were. Not just anybody beats Ultraman Jr. I mean, seriously, Ultraman Jr.’s the guy that unmasked El Tortuguillo Karateka IV. That’s right, ULTRAMAN JR. RIPPED THE FACE OFF OF A NINJA TURTLE. Unfortunately, I can’t find video of this, so here’s video of one of Los Tortuguillos Kareatekas in action as compensation.
El Tortuguilla Karateka IV is not, of course, to be mistaken for that the infamous Kowabunga, who I am pretty sure wasn’t actually a reptile.
*AHEM*
Anyway, after returning to Japan, Los Salseros wrestled in many organizations, including DDT, where, among other things, they lost a match to a ladder, along with several other wrestlers.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1qhqq_ladder-defends-title-in-battle-roya_sport
That ladder had THREE TITLE REIGNS, by the way.
(For those keeping score: Ladder > Los Salseros Japonaises > Ultraman = Ultraman Jr. = Solar > El Tortuguillo Karateka IV)
“Well all this back story is great, Steve, but why is his nickname ‘yellow beast?’ He doesn’t look very beastly to me.”
Well, I’m glad you asked, reader. Ever eager to take his unique brand of salsa inspired offense to a larger audience, Mango Fukuda spent his off days wrestling in the now-defunct HUSTLE promotion. HUSTLE, the brainchild of famous Japanese wrestler/MMA fighter Nobuhiko Takada, focused its efforts on providing an alternative to the “serious” story lines which dominated much of Japanese wrestling at the time. I am fully aware that I just preceded this paragraph with a video of several Japanese men wrestling a ladder.
At the end of the day, HUSTLE was all about giving the aforementioned Mr. Takada an excuse to dress up like M. Bison and act like a supervillain on the weekends. In HUSTLE, Generalissimo Takada (that’s really what he called himself) ran a team of evil heels called the “Takada Monster Army.” Their chief opposition? The Hustle Rangers, a group of five dudes who dressed up like power rangers.
http://youtu.be/S3rCYcthelk?t=2m38s
Did that fat yellow power ranger look holding those giant spoons look familiar? He should – when he wasn’t a mild-mannered salsa dancer, Mango Fukuda protected us all from Takada’s evil army under the mantle of HUSTLE RANGER YELLOW.
Unfortunately, all that extra body weight caught up with Salsa Ranger Mango, and he got captured and BRAINWASHED by the evil Monster Army. At this point he turned on his allies and took up the name of MONSTER RANGER YELLOW.
http://youtu.be/U-9c4TW1_3s
Mango stayed evil until 2006, which means he would have been wrestling as Monster Ranger Yellow at the time FPWR was being developed. So there you have it: That’s why our rotund little salsa dancer is a yellow beast, and that’s three hours of my life I’ll never get back again. I hope you’re happy.
Anyway, his finisher is a Fujiyama driver – or as Mango called it, “Purupuru Mango.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpCRLrAys0o
So was Mango Fukuda BIG IN JAPAN?
How the hell should I know? Let’s get to the fight.
LET’S WRESTLING!
I’m pretty sure Kevin Nash can sue me for this. Papaya takes it at 13:28 via a Doctor Bomb.
NEXT TIME: A recently ordained hall of famer takes on a genocidal maniac! Hey, if you stuck with me this far, you’re tuning in anyway, right?