MATCH 6: “THE SHOCK” DEUCY JAMES v. “THE AMAZON” RAJA DUNK
Introduction – Match 1 – Match 2 – Match 3 – Match 4 – Match 5
Here at Subspace Briefcase, we proudly fly the banner of gender equality in gaming. Tonight, we proudly present to you a notable first: AN INTERGENDER DEATH MATCH. We’ve wrapped the Gamergate in barbed wire, and it comes crashing down into a sea of blood in this no holds (or genders) barred bout! Someone’s getting back body dropped through the glass ceiling – RIGHT. NOW.
DEUCY JAMES
I’ll pay you five dollars if Deucy James isn’t supposed to be Petey Williams. Take a look to your left; if you just pretend that the smudged pictograph on Deucy’s tights is a maple leaf, it’s almost a carbon copy. While his nickname is listed as “The Shock,” that nomme du guerre is entirely disclaimed by his profile, which notes that he is “known as the Canadian Destroyer.” This name is commonly used to refer to both Petey and his famous finishing maneuver:
Depending on who you ask, the Canadian Destroyer is either the most incredible or most ridiculous thing ever seen in all of sports entertainment. Regardless, within the confines of a pro wrestling ring, it’s considered one of the most devastating finishing moves of all time.
Petey Williams recently retired, but not before populating his resume with an impressive list of accomplishments. Around the time of FPWR‘s release, Petey was fresh off a run as a major player in TNA’s X Division. He was a fixture on TNA television as a member of the villainous “Team Canada,” consistently wowing audiences with his maple-flavored mixture of lucha libre and conventional North American wrestling. As you’ll see from the below, his athleticism was undeniable:
As a testament to FPWR‘s consistency, Deucy shares the same last name as Steel James. It looks like anybody with the last name “Williams” became a “James.” As for Deucy? Your guess is as good as mine. But now that I think about it… A.J. Styles, who was one of Williams’ rivals in TNA, became “the Movement” in FPWR. I seriously hope they weren’t aiming for consistency in their toilet humor.
Unfortunately, our talented staff or researchers (which is just me half drunk on a Sunday) can’t find much to support the proposition that Petey Williams was ever BIG IN JAPAN. I’m not even sure he was ever MEDIUM IN JAPAN. The fact that Deucy James is even included in FPWR clearly speaks to his talent, but his lack of a meaningful Japanese wrestling career might not bode well for him.
RAJA DUNK
Only the most devout of western wrestling fans will have any idea who Raja Dunk is supposed to be. That being said, the photo evidence doesn’t lie: this is Japanese wrestling superstar Aja Kong. Over the past few decades, Aja Kong has garnered a reputation as one of the most dominant forces in women’s pro wrestling, if not all of pro wrestling. We’ll dispense with the usual quips and get right to the highlights.
http://youtu.be/DvXrmKRGK7U
Aja Kong has won nearly every women’s title worth sneezing about. If WWE fans recognize her, it’s from her appearance at Survivor Series’ 95, where she pinned four competitors in a single bout. She was slated to be the next big thing in the WWF’s women’s division, only to have her shot at international superstardom pulled out form under her when the WWF abruptly discontinued its women’s title in 1995. She’s one of the greatest women’s wrestlers of all time, and she’s from Japan. BIG IN JAPAN? It goes without saying.
Raja Dunk’s finishing maneuver is listed as a back knuckle. Is that correct?
http://youtu.be/Y0I74kOiwc0
Yeah, it checks out. Her profile provides that you “can’t stop her once she goes berserk,” but that’s true of any woman, am I right men? Am I right? Yuk yuk.
Long story short: I don’t have very many jokes to write about Aja Kong, because I am terrified of what she would do to me if she ever read this. If you had to pick a female wrestler to take on a male wrestler, it would be Aja Kong. Deucy is in for a real challenge.
LET’S WRESTLING!
Yikes! Deucy pulled that one out, but he forfeited both his Y chromosome and several gallons of blood in the process. Hopefully Andy Spirals has a few pints he can spare for TNA compatriot. This match was pretty much even, blow-for-blow, until a bloodied Deucy pulled that Canadian Destroyer out his ass and dropped it or Raja’s head. Evidently, FPWR grants Mr. Williams’ vaunted finishing maneuver the respect it has earned in the real world. Maybe someone should have told Raja she didn’t have to go along with that forward flip.
In any event, a great match! Eat your heart out, Billie Jean King!
NEXT TIME: Once and for all, we will determine which fighting style is greatest – IT’S ARM WRESTLING v. MMA!