In which Dolphin attains a modicum of fame.
Intro – Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3
So Dolphin dropped a match. No big deal. You don’t set the Canadian record in beanballs taken without learning a thing or two about suffering. Dolphin is used to physical abuse, and the way he views it, the neck is the most overrated part of the body anyway. As long as his hips can still swivel, he’ll be fine.
But if there is one thing Dolphin won’t stand for, it’s DISRESPECT. Dolphin can’t read a word of Japanese, but he sure as hell doesn’t see any nice pictures of himself on the cover of this Puroresu Weekry Illistratedu. Who do these fans think they are? He could have easily passed up this gig. He could be back in Durham, Ontario working at his buddy Tad’s Enterprise Rent-A-Car. He could be halfway to assistant regional manager of the year by now.
But Dolphin knows, deep inside, that the only way to win over the fans is hard work and dedication. Plus he can’t afford airfare back to Canada. Time to get an education in wrestling.
And by “get an education in wrestling,” Dolphin means “pick wrestling moves randomly from a confusing list he cannot read.” Looks like there’s a DDT in there. That’s a nice move. We’ll figure out the rest as we go. MONTAGE TIME!
Music: The King of the Streets by Lazerhawk.
Dolphin’s opponents, in order:
- Gary Albright – Gary Albright looked like he crawled right out of the Double Deuce, and wrestled like he read every chapter of How to Kick Ass and Eat Steak. A legitimate college wrestler and American bad ass, Gary Albright was famous for dropping people on their necks. Thankfully, he settled for dropping Dolphin on his spine, for the most part.
- Johnny Ace – We already know all about this guy.
- “Dr. Death” Steve Williams – Gary Albright read every chapter of How to Kick Ass and Eat Steak, but Steve Williams wrote the whole damn book. Also a legitimate amateur wrestler, Steve Williams was a huge star in AJPW. Further, his theme music was by Gene Simmons, which probably makes him even tougher, somehow. Not pictured in the montage: the additional 15 ringpost shots it took to put this behemoth away.
This clean sweep came at a high cost. Fortunately, neck points are strong against the yen in 1997, so Dolphin’s got that cost covered. A few notes:
- By the time he got midway through his rematch with Johnny Ace, Dolphin’s neck was hanging on by a thread. His neck heals slightly every three matches, but he’s going to be hovering at about 98% neck damage until he develops some reversal skills.
- Dolphin was able to score a relatively clean win against Albright, but the repeated and continuous attacks to his neck left him with no choice but to resort to the ringpost. Somersault kicks are pretty cool and all, but they’re the last thing a man with neck problems should be doing. Until he expands his arsenal, that post will be his home away from home.
- If you look at 4:22, you’ll see the exact moment Dolphin learned how easy it is to pull off ridiculously devastating maneuvers outside of the ring. Once a wrestler’s momentum meter is full, their full arsenal of finishing maneuvers becomes available to them, and for whatever reason, they are about ten times easier to perform on the concrete floor.
So, did Dolphin’s hard work pay off?
That sexy blurred out face in the bottom left corner says “yes.”
NEXT TIME: TOURNAMENT!